Resolutions

Did you make any resolutions this year?  Do you even make resolutions anymore?  I was in a contemplative mood yesterday and I was thinking about my past resolutions. I realized that all of them, in some form or another, centered around my kids.  Not one was for me or about me.  I resolved to exercise so I could keep up with the kids and help them like exercise.  I resolved to eat healthier so the kids would eat healthier and not be at a higher risk of diabetes, high blood pressure (family history), cancer, or other illnesses.  I resolved to go back to school and get a better education to show the importance of a good education.  Yet not once did  I do anything for me and I have come to the conclusion that this is how you lose yourself as a person.  When everything you do is because of, or about, someone else then slowly and without ever realizing it you stop knowing who you are.  You forget the things you used to like, you forget the dreams you used to have, and you forget how to dream.  Life becomes a job you do because someone is depending on you. 
This past year has been, without a doubt and without any exaggeration, the hardest and worse year of my life.  We have been open about some of the struggles we have had this year but there have been many more that have been private and will stay that way.  All due, I believe, to the fact that both my husband and I were so focused on our family and our responsibility to them that we forgot who we were.  So this year, my resolution is to not give up.  Most people are making resolutions to give something up - usually a bad habit.  I need to remind myself to NOT give up even when things are overwhelming, or when I question a decision, or when it seems like it's never going to end.  This year, my resolution is all about me.  Because, while I love my children and my family, I need to take care of me first or I can't take care of them.  One of the first decisions we made was this one:

Moving.

We don't know where exactly we are going to end up yet but we do know that we cannot stay here.  It may seem crazy to you to give up a good job in this current economic situation but this is something that we both agreed has to be done.  By moving we are not giving up.  We are making a proactive decision to do something that will make our lives better and to do something better with our lives.

It may not be much but it is a start on the path of finding ourselves again.